Monday, May 18, 2009
I am not a bad mom.
As much as I like to preach about imperfections and insecurities, I am actually reasonably proud of my parenting skills. Why? Because my girls are happy and healthy and growing and learning and all those good things. And, you know what? I have something to do with this, right? Right?
Truth be told, there are days when I doubt it all. When I literally think and sometimes even say out loud: I. Am. A. Bad. Mom. And, unsurprisingly, those days are usually Wednesdays. When my dear Nanny has the day off. I like to stay positive and call these days "girls days" or "adventure days" because, well, they are days with the girls and they are often - to put it mildly - adventures.
Now that I am a few days out from it, I can talk about this past Wednesday. A day on which I had the following fleeting, but fierce thoughts:
(1) I'm not fit to parent;
(2) I should not be left alone with young children;
(3) I should have a Mommy Cam installed so Nanny and Husband can keep an eye on me;
(4) Blogging endangers babies
I know. You are sitting there and saying, Calm down, spoiled soul. It couldn't have been that bad. Sure, there were probably some tears and tantrums and spills and spit-ups. There was probably a little too much sugar dispensed and television watched. But it was just one day. Calm down.
But I am here to tell you something: IT WAS THAT BAD. Here is a quick and dirty rundown (in chronological order of course) of what happened:
(1) Baby, an amateur sitter, teetered over and banged her forehead (lightly) on my laptop;
(2) At lunchtime, I fed Toddler "star soup" (organic of course) with my left hand and Baby stage one apples (organic of course) with my right hand. Then something possessed me to switch it up and feed Baby some "star soup." Baby has a severe milk allergy and is on prescription formula. Star soup has dairy.
(3) While Toddler napped, I put Baby in the Exersaucer (a.k.a. "The Office") while I did some blogging. Well, she was very quiet, so I glanced over at her and SHE WAS EATING A CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIE. My six-month-old baby who just started consuming solids and who HAS A MILK ALLERGY was eating a chocolate chip cookie (that her big sis generously decided to leave on her desk at the Office).
(4) Toddler woke up from nap. All three of us girls were having a cuddly moment on the couch. Toddler asked for some water (and said please), so I made sure Baby was scooted way back on the couch and then I hopped up to be a good mom and fetch water for my parched and polite little tyke. A few seconds later? Screams. Baby was face-down on the carpet (note: we have a low profile couch and carpet underneath and Baby was fine in a matter of seconds). In the words of my darling witness Toddler, "She rolled off, Mommy!" And when I asked Toddler if she "helped Baby roll," Toddler smiled big.
Never before have I been so thrilled and relieved to see Husband walk through the door. And when the girls were asleep for the night, I was able to laugh a bit about it. A bit. And like a good boy, Husband told me over and over that I am not a bad mom. That I had a bad day, but NO, I am not a bad mom.
The good news is that I think Baby has outgrown her milk allergy because she suffered no adverse reaction to the soup/cookie combo. The good news is that Wednesdays make up only 14.29% of my girls' lives. If what happens on Wednesdays stays on Wednesdays, odds are they will be just fine.