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Thursday, June 18, 2009

A Fellow SASM (Stay-at-Starbucks-Mom)

I have bloggerflies. A veritable cyber-crush. She speaks my language. She gets me. She is me.

Okay, the brunette, Southern, suburban, badass, much cooler, me.

But like me, she writes and blogs and has two young kids and does shifts at Starbucks.

Her name is Lindsay Ferrier. I just stumbled upon her stellar and profoundly provocative blog Suburban Turmoil and I encourage you to check it and her out. You can thank me later.

In her post In Defense of the Work-at-Home-Mom, Ferrier examines that war that continues to rage among the various species of mothers out there. In particular, she explores a contemporary attack on the WAHM, and offers a compelling and pointed and right-on account of why we all need to reexamine and broaden our definition of "work," how there are infinite and infinitely good ways to raise kids and carve out careers (and to balance the two) and how we need to call a cease-fire in this relentless and most-unnecessary battle. A nasty battle that ultimately says more about levels of personal happiness and bitterness than it does about perfect parenting and what counts as work.

This SASM is signing off (from Starbucks of course!) to write her new crush a love letter. No joke. If you're lucky, I'll let you read it...

In the meantime, I want to hear from you. Do you judge mothers who work from home? Do you judge mothers who work outside of the home? Do you judge mothers who don't work? (That's a trick question! All mothers work.) Why do you think we are so quick to judge each other's decisions? My hunch: we judge other's paths because we are deeply insecure about our own. It's all about those insecurities, baby.


  1. Thanks for pointing the way. I blogged about this too. I think this is all hair-splitting and stupid and divisive, and I wish women would just get over themselves already. Sigh. I'm happy you are a WAStarbucksM!

  2. First and foremost, I totally agree that the moms that judge other moms for making a different choice than they did do so to validate their choice as the only true/good option. It is such a personal journey, figuring which you should be. I have been a full time wohm for nearly eight years with the exception of two 6 month maternity leaves. I love what I do and figured out during my maternity leaves that being a sahm wasn't for me. Unfortunately, my career choice and my strengths are incompatible with being a wahm. I do not think what I do is harder or more valid than a wahm, in a way I wish I loved something that was compatible. Kudos to all of you wasms for figuring it out! I truly judge neither group. I however have been judged plenty for choosing to work when I can afford to stay home. I've been asked how I could leave my kids with a stranger, that if weren't selfish, I'd figure something else out. These things have said to my face despite the fact that I work 15 minutes from home, and I have always made sure to attend every performance, chaperone field trips, even attend toddler classes on my lunch hour with my kids. The funny thing is, while my kids are 5 and almost 8 and could still turn into serial killers, they truly couldn't be doing any better. In fact, my daughter recently told me when she grows up she wants to be a lawyer/artist/track star/mom. She sees that you don't have to be one thing but that you can choose any combination to be happy. If only our generation accepted this as easily.


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