Freedom

"The secret of happiness is freedom. The secret of freedom is courage." -Thucydides

"Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes." -Mahatma Gandhi

"Man is free at the moment he wishes to be." -Voltaire

"Freedom lies in being bold." -Robert Frost

"All good things are wild, and free." -Henry David Thoreau

"Freedom is the right to tell people what they do not want to hear." -George Orwell

"Freedom is the will to be responsible to ourselves." - Friedrich Nietzsche

"Freedom is choice and love and delicious uncertainty. Freedom is the ability to fumble around for what feels right. Freedom is the right to dance foolishly at a patriotic parade with a baby on one's shoulders. Freedom is the right to weave words and nourish ideas. Freedom is the imperative to dream. Freedom is everything that matters and more." -Aidan Donnelley Rowley

Independence

"Independence is happiness." - Susan B. Anthony

"Do not destroy that immortal emblem of humanity, the Declaration of Independence." - Abraham Lincoln

"It is easy in the world to live after the world's opinions; it is easy in solitude to live after your own; but he great man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

"True independence and freedom can only exist in doing what's right." - Brigham Young

"In the progress of personality, first comes a declaration of independence, then a recognition of interdependence." - Henry Van Dyke

"Independence is chasing your child and realizing for the first time that one day you might not catch her. And that she might not need you to." - Aidan Donnelley Rowley

A Laughter Hangover

"Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand." -Mark Twain

Last night, Husband and I did something we do very rarely these days: we went to the movies. We saw The Hangover, a film about a terribly ill-fated and ferociously funny bachelor party getaway to Vegas. Now, I was sure this flick would be yet another one of those cliched, more-stupid-than-funny movies about a medley of overgrown frat guys that Hollywood seems to spit out at an alarming pace. But the truth was that I was craving some stupid and superficial entertainment where I could recline and relax. So, off we went.

Guess what? It was HILARIOUS. Husband and I (and the rest of the folks in the packed theater) laughed hysterically throughout the film. And when the movie was over and we walked up Columbus Avenue toward home, my stomach muscles actually ached from my belly laugh binge. And, yes, this probably says something about the dearth of sit-ups and other abdominal exercises in my life these days, but it also says something about this movie. Yes, some of the jokes were in poor taste. Yes, the plot was absolutely far-fetched. There were instances of crude nudity and plenty of profanity. But still. It was good. The writing was good. The acting was good. It's worth seeing, my friends.

And I went to sleep happy and vowed to myself before nodding off that Husband and I would go to the movies more often because movies are lovely little escapes from life. And I woke up this morning, my tummy muscles still slightly sore. And I smiled big. 

I had a laughter hangover.

The Happy Headache Begins

"Every act of creation is first of all an act of destruction." Pablo Picasso

After a lovely almost-two-year-waiting-game, work officially began yesterday on our new place! Last night, Husband and I waded through the devastation depicted here, giddy with excitement that this is actually happening.  Now everyone I know who has weathered a gut renovation has some sordid saga to tell me -- of blown budgets and improperly-installed tiles and last-minute leaks. And everyone seems to agree on one point: this process, however smoothly it proceeds, will entail a constant stream of headaches.  And, yes, they are probably right.  But sitting here, buzzed by morning coffee, I look at this picture -- the storm before the calm -- and smile.  

For those of you who know better, please allow me my delusions for a few minutes. And check back every Friday morning for an update on the Happy Headache!

The Grass Is Greener

“Knowing trees, I understand the meaning of patience. Knowing grass, I can appreciate persistence.”  Hal Borland

You know what?  The grass is greener.  In bucolic Wayne, Pennsylvania, that is.  Frankly, the grass is greener almost anywhere.  Because most grass is greener than no grass.  Because I live in a place, a wonderful place, that boasts very little of the green stuff.  

Sure, we have Central Park and I love the Park.  The fam and I have had many magical moments at Turtle Pond.  But the truth is there is a paucity of nature here in this lovely concrete jungle.  Does this matter?  According to Yale professor of psychology Paul Bloom, the answer is a resounding YES.  To kick off Earth Week, the New York Times included Bloom's fascinating article Natural Happiness in yesterday's Magazine.  In this article, Bloom proffers an admittedly self-centered argument for why we should care about nature; it makes us happier and healthier creatures.  He endorses Harvard biologist E. O. Wilson's well-known “biophilia” hypothesis, namely that "our evolutionary history has blessed us with an innate affinity for living things. We thrive in the presence of nature and suffer in its absence."

For me, this raises two immediate questions: (1) Is Bloom right?; and (2) Is this argument patent evidence of our human-centered thought?  

I do think Bloom is onto something.  Something big.  Something fundamental.  I spent the weekend amidst grass and flowers and trees and you know what? It was a good weekend. A happy one.  The girls were all smiles.  And, yes, I'm sure this had a lot to do with my In-Laws, the incomparable Grammy and Dad-Dad, and the tasty home-cooked meals, etc., but I do think the fact that we were outside for much of the time, tasting nature (not wilderness, but nature nonetheless) had a lot to do with it.  On Saturday, we visited Chanticleer Garden, the former estate of the Rosengartens, a big pharmaceutical-family which has been open to the public since 1993.  We spent the morning meandering through this utopia of flowers and foliage and fountains, and then enjoyed a yummy picnic of sandwiches from the local farmer's market.  It is not a coincidence that this oasis is called "a pleasure garden."

As much as Bloom and Wilson and the biophilia hypothesis might be true, is this argument another indicator of misguided, human-centered thinking?  Perhaps.  After all, this is Earth week and not Human Happiness week and we should care about the earth and work to protect it because it is intrinsically valuable not because it enhances our happiness quotient.  Now, all of this might be true, but if our bottom line is to preserve nature then we should collect all of the reasons, even if they are rooted in self-centered soil.  As Bloom says, "Look at it from the coldblooded standpoint of the enhancement of the happiness of our everyday lives. Real natural habitats provide significant sources of pleasure for modern humans. We intuitively grasp this, and this knowledge underlies the anxiety that we feel about nature’s loss. It might be that one day we will be able to replace the experience of nature with “Star Trek” holodecks and robotic animals. But until then, this basic fact about human pleasure is an excellent argument for keeping the real thing."

Practically speaking, what does this mean for us city-slickers?  For us Manhattan moms?  Bloom refers to author Richard Louv's disconcerting argument that modern children suffer from "nature-deficit disorder" because they have been disconnected from the myriad physical and psychic benefits that result from organic contact with nature.  Great. Just another disorder to worry about.  But, seriously, what can we do about all this?  

I'm not so sure.  But suddenly, I am very thankful for the blossoming Magnolia outside our brownstone window, for the Park in our backyard, for the pesky pigeons Toddler chases on the sidewalks, for Grammy and Dad-Dad's open arms and green grass mere hours away.

The ABC's of Insecurity

So.  Here goes.  My very first post as a rookie blogger.  And this post, like life, is one part serious and one part silly...

We humans are insecure creatures.  To pretend otherwise is foolish.  And yet that is exactly what we do.  Everyday.  We pretend that we have it all together.  We wake up and get dressed and go outside and smile.  What lingers behind those well-practiced smiles? The ABC's of insecurity.  

Anxiety.  About everything. Including being anxious. "Anxiety is the dizziness of freedom." Soren Kierkegaard

Boredom.  Admit it: if you weren't a bit bored, you wouldn't be reading this now. "Boredom: the desire for desires." Tolstoy

 

Control.  The one thing none of us has. "If everything seems under your control, you're just not going fast enough." Mario Andretti

Doubt. We make decisions.  And then we doubt them. "I doubt, therefore I think. I think therefore I am."  Descartes

Expectations. Great Ones.  Good book and story of our lives. "High expectations are the key to everything." Sam Walton.

Fear.  Of terrorism.  Failure.  Disease.  Death.  Infidelity. Mediocrity. Of being fat. "Always do what you are afraid to do." Emerson

Grief. Over losing a parent.  Or a spouse.  Or a child.  Or a friend.  Or a pet.  Or a job.  Or ourselves. "Given a choice between grief an nothing, I'd choose grief." Faulkner

Health. Vaginal or C-section?  To vaccinate or not to vaccinate?  Breast or bottle? Implants or let 'em hang?  "It is health that is real wealth, not pieces of gold and silver." Gandhi

Indecision.  About everything.  I can't even decide what things to mention. "Indecision may or may not be my problem." Jimmy Buffett

Jealousy.  Of other people's lives and jobs and husbands and apartments and nannies and diaper bags and blogs.  "To cure jealousy is to see it for what it is, a dissatisfaction with self." Joan Didion

Knowledge. I don't care where you went to college, how big your salary is, how smart you are.  About the most important things in life, we are all ignorant.  "Real knowledge is to know the extent of one's ignorance." Confucius

Loneliness.  How is it that we can't find five minutes for ourselves and yet we still have moments where we feel utterly alone? "Loneliness adds beauty to life.  It puts a special burn on sunsets and makes night air smell better." Henry Rollins.

Mortality.  We grow up.  And children are born.  And parents die.  And we can't help but contemplate our own exit. "If I am killed, I can die but once; but to live in constant dread of it is to die over and over again." Abraham Lincoln

Negativity.  Another thing I'm positive we all experience.  "All negativity is an illusion created by the limited mind to protect and defend itself." Ambika Wauters

Obligation. To our family.  To our friends.  To our society.  To our favorite Idol contestant. To ourselves.  "Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one." Eleanor Roosevelt

Pessimism. I have been experimenting with a new drug: optimism.  I don't think it is working very well.  "A pessimist is one who makes difficulties of his opportunities and an optimist is one who makes opportunities of his difficulties."  Harry Truman

Questions.  The one thing each of us has in abundance.  "Judge a person by their questions, rather than their answers." Voltaire

Regrets. Tell me you have no regrets and I will call you a liar. "For the majority of us, the past is a regret, the future an experiment." Mark Twain

Self.  The biggest, baddest roadblock of them all.  "Self is the only prison that can ever bind the soul." Henry Van Dyke

Time. No, there aren't enough hours in the day, but there are twenty-four.  Make the most of them and stop bitching.  "Time is free, but it's priceless.  You can't own it, but you can use it.  You can't keep it, but you can spend it. Once you've lost it you can never get it back." Harvey MacKay

Uncertainty. Certainty is a myth, a silly old fairy tale we want desperately to believe.  "Uncertainty is the only certainty there is, and knowing how to live with insecurity is the only security." John Allen Paulos

Voice. We tell our tots to "use their words," but how often do we insist on using ours? "There is a voice inside of you/ that whispers all day long,/"I feel that this is right for me,/I know that this is wrong."/No teacher, preacher, parent friend/or wise man can decide/What's right for you -- Just listen to/the voice that speaks inside." Shel Silverstein

Worry. All of us worry. Period. "Worrying is like a rocking chair -- it gives you something to do but it doesn't get you anywhere."  Erma Bombeck

Xanax. I have absolutely nothing against prescription drugs.  Plenty of people I know swear by 'em. "At what point should I try Xanax?" Aidan Donnelley Rowley

Youth. Some of us don't have much interest in growing up.  For example, those of us who are thirty and, let's say, don't have a driver's license. So what if we want to stay kids even when we have kids?  So what if we want to pretend that we are still in college and yet are open to the idea of Botox? "You're never too old to become younger." Mae West

Zoloft.  Let me repeat for the record: I have nothing against prescription drugs.  Again, plenty of people I know swear by 'em.  Rumor has it it helps with insecurities A-Y. "Is Zoloft better than Xanax?  If so, where can I get me some?" Aidan Donnelley Rowley