Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Talk about insecurity. What have I done?
Last night (after a day spent obsessively posting arguably tiresome details about my day in the life of a Manhattan County juror), I was kind of (okay, extremely) pumped about this blog thing. Putting myself out there? How daring! Talking about my hopes and fears and flaws? How adventuresome! And so what did I do? I drafted an email. To friends and family. (If you are reading this now, you likely received said email). In this email, I shared the good news about my book and asked people to check out this blog.
And then I hit send.
Immediately, my heart began to race and suddenly I was thirsty for a towering glass of Pinot Grigio (Don't you fret, I watched The Hills instead). I clutched my BlackBerry tight, willing it to buzz, hungry for emails from people. From all five of you. And thankfully there were a few instant buzzes to save me from my stress spiral. Yes, mostly they were from that lovely Postmaster telling me there had been a mail delivery error. And, yes, I was wildly relieved that at least those people wouldn't come here and witness this debacle-in-the-making. But a few real emails came. And they were nice. And I felt a little bit better. A little bit.
Why the near-crippling anxiety? Because I am putting myself out there. Because I have a mild allergy to the self-promotion thing. As my little sis said, I better get used to it if I am going to try to do the author thing. Guess I better re-grow that thick skin I had as an associate at the law firm.
Guess I better keep that wine fridge stocked.